Bumper Sticker Bumpkins…a bitchfest!

by angryhippie

Okay, so the passed couple days have been rare to say the least. In specifics, due to the combination of ignorance (Colorado hillbilly mentality) and bumper stickers (a staple of the American roadway). Now I love a good bumper sticker, in fact, I’ve got a couple of favs, one of which (possibly the combo set) set off my favorite kind of redneck response…the classic “go back where you came from!” called out from a van that pulled next to me as we sped down the road. This brings me to our first stop along the bitchfest.

Okay, fuckwit, let’s go. You gave me little opportunity to fire back anything at you as you sped away, but you didn’t know one thing…(well, I’m sure that’s a huge understatement, but anyway) I’m an angry hippie…with a blog. I tend not to let shit go. Now I assume you can read, because you saw the Missouri tags on my car and properly pronounced Missouri as you bade me to go back there. I also assume that you can read, because, I’ve concluded that it had to be something about one of the stickers you read on my car that upset you so. (Perhaps you are just a Missouri hating asshat, or worse just a hater of anyone not from “your” area) So I am only hoping that with some magic twist of fate you find your way to reading this. For here, on this soapbox, I’m taking a moment just for you today.

Now I know, that I have made some broad assumptions, and you’re probably saying that if I assume, I only make an ass out of you and me. But you were already an ass so I have no qualms with that, and I’m always fine and fucking dandy making an ass out of myself…sometimes I’m bored. So we’ll take the literacy assumptions as read, and move on.

So what was it that made you so angry? Or was it all of my bumper stickers that made you see red? “Keep Abortion Legal”, “If you’re not outraged, then you aren’t paying attention”, or “When the rapture comes, we’ll have the place all to ourselves” (complete with Pentagrams). I don’t know which one did it for you, or didn’t to be more correct. Or again, did the combination just prove to be overwhelming and too much? Just trying to figure out what kind of closed-minded fuckwit I got a hold of…I guess it doesn’t really matter. You’re a fuckwit any way you slice it. I mean, come on! “Go back to Missouri!”? Really? Grant it, my thumbs up back to you, probably wasn’t the best comeback, but I figure it probably burned your ass real good.

“Go back to Missouri!” Trust me, I’m tempted. At least back in Missouri they know how to do redneck aggression right! Not like you cliche`d Coloradan colorless commentators. “Go back to…” What an ass…and I’m not actually from Missouri, so goes to show you D’oh Sixpack, don’t believe everything you read.

Our second stop was someone else’s bumper sticker that I read, that I wanted to comment on. Yet another winner, this one read, “Treat Liberals Gently, They Are Frightened By Reason.” I took issue with this. It’s simply not true. We aren’t frightened by ‘reason’, but I can see why you’d think that (well, ‘think’ might be a bit strong a word, but we’ll leave it for now). It’s not reason that we are afraid of, it’s YOUR reasoning that frightens us. Or generally, when any conservative tries to use reason, cause we just know that it’s not going to end pretty….or reasonably. Face it, you’re just not good at it. It’s okay, you tried something new, it didn’t work, so move on. Just go do what it is that you all do best. Fuck things up for the rest of us.

Perhaps a more accurate bumper sticker would read “Treat Conservatives Gently, They’re Easily Provoked By Logic.” You see, that’s a funny bumper sticker, because it plays off your crap one, and it’s just so true that it’s humorous. Now I know that some will say that I just can’t take a joke, and to you I say this. Fuck you! I can take a fucking joke. Suck my sack!

It just so happens that I can a joke if it’s funny…this, not so much. It’s just symptomatic of a pandemic problem that we have in this country. The overtly hypocritical pot calling out the kettle. The conservatives in this country have acted and behaved without reason (or sense) for years now, and I’ve had my fucking fill! So let’s really look at this.
1. the mental powers concerned with forming conclusions, judgments, or inferences. – (Yeah right…mental powers.)
2. sound judgment; good sense. – (Please!)
3. normal or sound powers of mind; sanity. – (Missed it by that much…)
4. Logic. a premise of an argument. – (Since the Conservative arguments have been lie based propaganda filled sound bites lately, their premise isn’t one of logic or reason, just bigotry and greed. So this one doesn’t apply either.)
5. to think or argue in a logical manner. – (Conservatives lately, with their scare-tactic politics have effectively mounted two kinds of social debates as of late. The First – OH MY GOD IS THAT A BOMB!?!, oh no it’s not, sorry, what was your question? The Second – I’m rubber and your glue, whatever you say emboldens the enemy and sticks OH MY GOD IS THAT A BOMB!?!, oh no it’s not, sorry, what was your question? Neither approach can qualify as an argument…or thinking.)

So you may need to rethink your sticker there…hehe, I said rethink. As if you did the first time.

Here endeth the bitchfest.