Bullshitatarians : An angry hippie vocabulary lesson

by angryhippie

**Excerpt from Episode 22 of the podcast**
Anyway, let’s clear things up for anyone who hasn’t quite gotten it quite yet…with a little angry hippie vocabulary lesson.

Vegetarian – Noun
A person who does not consume any animal flesh as part of their diet. It does not matter if this flesh is whole, chunked, ground up, or liquified for a nice smooth drinkable coronary, it doesn’t matter where the animal comes from either. Be it beef, pork, foul, or fish, that’s right, contrary to popular misguided idiocy, beings that were sentient in water, don’t magically become plant matter once you pluck them from their water source they just become much less sentient. Do not confuse this new subdued deathly sentience with a total lack of any sentience ever…it still once was a living, functioning, mobile, centrally nerved being. Therefore, eating any of these forms of ‘animal flesh’ is not vegetarian! Not even a fucking little bit!

Now vegetarians tend to eat cheese, which I guess, could be considered vegetarian, hell I considered it vegetarian when I was vegetarian, because I never related the fact that veal production in this country is actually related to the dairy industry. I had never made that connection and as a result, I continued to partake in a product that directly cost lives, which for me went against the whole purpose for making the change in the first place. For those of you who don’t know, cows have to have just given birth in order to produce milk….just like every species of animal that produces milk for it’s offspring. So they continue to impregnate them at every available opportunity and then they take the young baby cows and the males are shipped off crated and chained to prevent muscle development and detenderize the young calf. Then they are killed and served as veal (because you have to have some way to get rid of that excess without costing too much time and space to those in charge). Despite this fact, most vegetarians continue to eat cheese, and eggs…that’s a vegetarian.

Strict Vegetarians – extreme noun
A person who does not consume any animal flesh (no matter, as previously mentioned how it is prepared, processed, or plucked from the sea), nor do strict vegetarians consume dairy or egg products. They also limit their angsty animal cruelty exploitation evasions to their dietary intake, and continue to buy, support, and use products that are still derived from animals such as leather, wool, silk, or fur.

Vegan – hardcore noun
A person who lives their life to avoid the exploitation of animals in whatever form they find it. They try, knowing that some products aren’t derived in any other way, to keep their lives free from this kind of cruelty. I qualify this, because, as a member of modern society, we are forced to exist in a capitalistic world that works against us and our goals. The roads we drive on, the medicines that keep us well, and many other areas of our society that we depend on that will unfortunately not catch up to this point until the rest of the world makes it too unaffordable for them to continue their wicked ways. Where vegans do not compromise, for their vanity, status, or their diets! And to be clear, honey is an animal derived product that is a stored food source for a community of creatures, vegans do not eat honey!!

Anyone claiming to be any of the above, that continue to consume products that are not consumed under the above defined terms, see Bullshitatarian…

Bullshitatarian – weak-ass noun
A person who claims to be a vegetarian or vegan for purely self-congratulatory, trendy, or otherwise wankful, wise-ass purposes, but fails to meet the fairly simple and easy to live up to definitions and guidelines of said terms and conditions.

Here endeth the lesson…